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I love taking portraits yay!
( Sexy Grafitti )
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My dream toy right now is this: http://www.apple.com/ipodnano/
I got the fucking most awesome pants from the Gap today! How much were they? $19.99! Fuck yah! They add emphasis to my ass.
I applied at the Gap and picked up an application at Gamestop. Keep your fingers crossed.
Today I took some awesome emo pics of Justin Rogers... but they're on my camera phone... so they are pretty much unaccessible.
Keenan taught me long division today. Thank God!
Tonight I need to study Japanese as though my life depended on it. I've been slacking.
The evil cold from hell has finally exited my system.Feeling:  calm Singing to: Senorita- Justin Timberlake |
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So I've been really busy.
The past two weekends before this one I have requested off Fridays and Saturdays and left myself open for Sundays. I worked those Sundays. It's not that I didn't want or need to work... I couldn't. One weekend I had a film project, the next I was sick/ doing studying. The last was my birthday and I finally requested off all three days (with guilt of course) because I had been busy with school and stuff.
Managers are making a big deal about all this as if our lives should be nothing but AMC Cantera 30. Fuck them. What makes me even more upset is that they probably won't let me request off time for spring break ugh. It wouldn't even be the whole Spring break it would just be scattered days.
I just applied at lovers lane and my fingers are crossed. I want this job so bad. so so bad. I'm going to plead for it. I'm going to kiss ass for it if i have to. I want it, I need it.
I just bought Alfie and the Postal Service CD. Excitement.
I worry about Keenan. His parents would probably ground him if he were to quit without having another job lined up. UGH! This sucks!
What to do?Feeling:  worried |
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Do online depression tests mean anything?
Like if I went to my doctor and said that I took some depression tests online would he tell me they don't bean anything?
Last night I hit my ultimate low. I keep doing things that I don't mean to do and most of the time I'm upset for no reason. When people look at me they're shocked if I'm smiling. I can barely stay awake for a good amount of my classes and if I am awake I can't focus for very long. This only gets worse and worse.
I think the changes in my life brought out the worst in whatever has been hidden inside me. I'm being forced to take notice in all of it. Medication is looking like the only way to fix things or at least make life tolerable.
Thanks for listening. |
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woot
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Nov. 17th, 2004 @ 12:18 am
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Tonight Keenan, Iain, and I went to see the Pixies! It was so much fun!
Seeing my first concert with the two of them was the best and it was tooo much fun.
I owe keenan so much... he got the tickets he got me a hooded sweatshirt... he's definately the best boyfriend ever.
Everything is wonderful! |
| » A little change... |
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From this point on most of my entries will be Friends ONLY.
If you are curious then comment to be added.
Thanks.
Aug. 14th, 2004 @ 11:51 pm
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| » *_* |
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Alien V. Predator rocked. It made me laugh my ass off. It was quoting Keenan, "a buddy movie, the next Harrold and Kumar." LOL. Predators though scary as all hell because they're purpose is hunting... are good allies to kill aliens.
I can't wait for Hero to come out to theaters. It's going to be sooooo good.
Aug. 14th, 2004 @ 01:35 am
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| » The monsters in the closet... |
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I woke up this morning feeling that today was just like every other day. Waking up at 8:30 wishing I'd opened my eyes just a little later. I hate waiting for my day to start. Now I'm exhausted. My day has pretty much ended already.
Kill Bill Vol. 2 came out and my dad imediately rushed out to get it. That's one of the best movies ever.
My mom keeps watching court tv to keep up with the news on the Scott Peterson trial. I hope that they send his guilty ass to jail... but I don't think they have enough evidence to really convict him.
Right now I could use some heavy meditation, a nice hot bath, and things of that manner.
My Uncle Bob's Minolta camera came in the mail Tuesday. I now have my camera for Photography 1 which is so exciting! Finally I am able to take classes that I have been wanting to take.
This Sunday Keenan and I get to go to the Ren Faire. That'll be an assload of fun.
Now I'm even more tired so I'm going to lay down.
Aug. 12th, 2004 @ 03:39 pm
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| » Chaos ends... |
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I've barely been home this weekend. It's been perfectly fine though.
I'm extremely exhausted.
Saturday night Keenan and I went to Cinemark and paid admission to go see collateral. I had forgotten how nice Cinemark was. AMC sucks in comparison. I ended up falling asleep though which pissed me off because I really did want to see that movie.
Tell me what you think of my new Livejournal layout!
now I shower.
Aug. 9th, 2004 @ 08:11 am
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| » insecurity leads to desolation... |
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So it's noon on a saturday and I'm sitting here in my room blasting any kind of depressing rock i can off of my silly pink ipod. Stranded really, no car to drive off in. Nowhere to drive to when a car materializes.
I only have myself to blame for this scenario that I'm constantly reliving almost every weekend. My newly found social anxiety has put a big drought on my friendships and potential relationships. There's always going to the doctor and telling him your symptoms, getting meds. But why be on some stupid little pill that could permanently change my personality. Prozac, a road to artificial happiness. My mom's on it... and there are definately huge personality changes.
I want my damn low-dose hormones back... thank god I get them started on sunday. Whoosh... semi-normal behavior rather than severe behavior. I've definately been a huge mess this month.
Hmm... new chuck taylors sound apetizing but I'm poor. So I'll stick with my old pair which I have grown oh so fond of.
Falling back into a spiral of Our Lady Peace obsession. Eek. *_*
Saw the movie I, Robot yesterday morning. Theaters are so nice in the morning. But anyways, it was a very good movie. Then again I love things with futuristic themes. Ever since reading Brave New World. Then later I saw Blow the whole way through and that was also a good movie. Johnny depp with blonde hair is a little strange though. I prefer the grungy brown hair... or red hair. Hrmm.
I feel like I did Freshman year. One time I got so bored that I played Linkin Park and some New age chick's album while I walked around in a small circle. I did that for like a half an hour or maybe even longer. Then I felt really dizzy. It's probably good that I grew out of baggy black goth pants.
I love the 90's: 1996 rocked my world. That episode made me laugh so hard that my boyfriend told me to stop (being that he's a meanie head and all :P ).
Well, it's time to find something else to occupy my brain. Nothing is on tv... and I'm getting bored with CS and TS. RAWR!
Had to turn up my music because my sister is playing the shittiest music ever created in her room and it's somehow breaking through my door. URGH! Hope the cops don't come!!! HAH.
Jul. 17th, 2004 @ 12:05 pm
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| » Woot! |
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I win at life. Why? Because I scored a 115 playing The Specialists and killed the specialist twice! I finished top.
I must play better when I'm tired lol.
I really want to go to the ren faire in wisconsin... hrmm.
pink hot chocolate with whip cream is soooooo good.
I think the pamprin I took started to make me hyper and crazy as it wore off. Hah... it was strange but I needed to laugh mindlessly.
Jul. 12th, 2004 @ 12:53 am
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| » people are cruel... |
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I'm sitting here with a throbbing headache. I'm sure looking at a computer screen is making it much better, psh.
Walking around my house in a little tank top from Hollister. All they had left were smalls on the sales tables... I'm a small but bleh it's just something that bugs me. The tank I'm wearing now prbly could have been bought in a medium if there even were any. How do I know this...? bc my breasts are falling out of it very easily. It's really bothering me. then again all it has at the top is two strings that tie... no straps... maybe i just don't have it tied tight enough.
Anyways... I got my hair trimmed at Great Clips... of course, I come home shower and see that one side is longer than the other and have to fix it. Competance comes at too high a price for a teenager who only wants a freaking trim!
Summer has lightened up. I'm content now that things have become a pattern.
This morning I got to go to bakers... big breakfast.
All I have left is the wait. Wait until 6... so I yet again have the company I like to keep.
Now i want to sleep for a while..
Jun. 27th, 2004 @ 03:24 pm
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| » No surprise here... |
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My Best Friend is ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) jonaswepeel | | Our 11 common interests are: aqua teen hunger force, counter strike, ddr, dvds, family guy, final fantasy, futurama, killing the homeless, kurosawa, soul calibur, the specialists | Who is your best friend?
| | Created by macoto |
fun, huh?
Jun. 26th, 2004 @ 10:35 pm
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| » oopsies... |
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Everything went okay tonight...
but damnit... fell asleep, looked at my watch and said, "oh shit, it's past 11!" Attempted through a cloud of sleep to get Keenan safely home. I won't know until later this morning if he's in trouble or not. If he is it's absolute bull shit.
I'm poor. All my attempts to get a job failed. By the time I worked up the nerve to ask places if they were hiring... college kids were back. All I can say is thank you ya drunk'n ass holes for taking almost every job available in Naperville! UGH! The only answer I get is, "check back in the fall". I'll be in school during the fall. My aim was not to work during the school. Damn.
For some reason I decided to grow my nails out. Now I remember why it's a pain in the ass. I went to open a can of tahitian treat and my nail bent... cracked in the side a little lower that i would have liked it to. Then I had to cautiously trim what I could off with the trippers. Luckily it doesn't hurt woot.
I get to sit here and watch an episode of cowboy bebop that I have not seen yet. Adult Swim is a godsend during the summer. I think I might stay up and do some tutorials for dreamweaver.
Keenan got me lunch at Panera... and panera has good chicken noodle soup and turkey sandwhiches mmmmmmmmm.
I read more of On the Road.
Hrmmph... cluttered mind.
Jun. 22nd, 2004 @ 12:08 am
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| » CHUT UP! |
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So I'm sitting here... bored. Crying off and on. I know I should be used to uneventful weekends and I should be happy that I did something every day this week. But today I just felt especially depressed when I awoke. Strings of nightmares always phases me for the rest of the day.
Thanks to Sarah I've had some source of amusement...
http://www.gabitus.com/cgi-bin/a_cgi/view-1087681199401
I've just been sitting here playing diablo and weaving hemp and now I just can't do any of that because I'm too damn depressed to. I watched Carrie but that just made my mood worse. All I could think about was how people treated other people. How rediculous one of us can be to another. More dismay.
I know tomorrow will be crappy too. Father's Day is always so shitty in my house. Doesn't matter though because I'm stuck here. Yah, I'm sure I could leave tomorrow if I wanted to but the one person I want to see usually is forcefully sucked into this Halmark holiday bullshit.
but i made a cool choker...
now I'm tired and I just want to lay down and wait for sex and the city to come on.
Jun. 19th, 2004 @ 04:42 pm
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| » Damn ninja... |
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I feel shitty.
I dont know why but that's just how it is. I'm sad.
Everything is good and then suddenly I feel like things aren't so good.
Strangers scare me. The change that strangers bring makes me uneasy. Change is a problem for almost everyone.
Perhaps this is all just the result of my lack of sleep.
maybe I'm just hallucinating. making up problems where none exist.
sometimes i just feel left out from things.
oh well.
I'll just fall asleep watching adult swim.
Jun. 16th, 2004 @ 12:39 am
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| » Perfect women in computers... |
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I'm exhausted. I finished my study guide for history. woot.
Also a little bored. Soon I have to clean my room. Because suddenly there are ants... and that can't be good. HAh. No more eating in my room.
Today has been quite uneventful. I hate sit on your ass days. They're frustrating. Especially on nice days.
Rawr. I lost all of my armor in Diablo which really ticked me off.
I'm reading On The Road by Jack Kerouak. Keenan bought it for me... it's good so far.
Two more hours then I will be out of my house. Seems like an eternity away.
La la la.
Yearbook signing sucked yesterday. I left after fourty-five minutes feeling depressed. Lately that's how I'm feeling... depressed. Everything seems dull and life is just a damn blur of uneventfulness. Depending on one person socially probably isn't good but that's what works best for me. I can't handle the demands of other people/friends.
Oh well.
Either tonight or tomorrow I have to finish my Chem. poster... and make notecards... I guess I could do that mon. or tues. though if need be.
Just watched simone.... it was pretty good.
I need to clean now... then "doll" myself up hah. yah whateva.
Ciao.
Jun. 5th, 2004 @ 06:49 pm
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| » mmmm peanut butter... |
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So I'm sitting here at 1:10 AM eating peanut butter.
Tonight sucked.
Last full day of school.
Woot.
Jun. 5th, 2004 @ 01:09 am
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| » Hrmmmmph... |
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I'm growing quite depressed now. I've been sitting here working on homework all day. Every so often I'll break... to play Diablo 2. I just don't feel good at all. Everyday is just another day to doubt everything and feel terrible about things I didn't do because I had homework.
Hrmmph...
some things are just worrying me beyond belief.
I wish i could take a nap... but nooooo, i've got work to do. Damn Chemistry.
May. 30th, 2004 @ 04:27 pm
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